Archive for January, 2012

Porn’s effect on Families

January 31, 2012 5 comments

This is a quote from a comment left on an article 7 Surprising and Negative Effects of Porn. I thought Miss RiverSongAngie shared some good points and her perspective is a strong testimony on the effects of pornography to a family.

This is such a heart breaking issue….nobody wins. My marriage came to an end as result of the effects of Porn and Sex addiction. When I first met my husband, he confessed to me that he had experimented with pornography -but it was in the past. He didn’t not tell me the depth of it and I loved him and thought….as long as the past was the problems, right? I was so ignorant about the subject. I actually thought I was going to be his dream girl and the one he turned to for his satisfaction. I soon learned, this was not the case and my codependent illusions came crashing down. Pornography was his escape from stresses of life, it was the way he dealt with life. Like others turn to alcohol or drugs or food- pornography was his medicine. I began to learn more about this subject than I ever wanted. Pornography and sex addiction are more than drugs…They are mind traps which release physical responses and endorphins and open spiritual doors to demonic attack. There are programs…some very good…Still more focus needs to be placed on the cause and not just the symptom returning to the issue of our spiritual Identity in Christ. I also believe a spiritual rewiring needs to take place through one on one counseling dealing with deliverance and inner healing. I walked through the fires with this man….prayer, fasting, counseling, loving him, begging him. He wasn’t able to lay it down… and I wasn’t able to love him through it when he became violent toward me. By the end of us, the wound was deep and bleeding into all areas. Pornography had created an atmosphere of deceit. Trust became non existent. Hurt on my side…Resentment on his side for questioning him and then anger toward everyone for confronting him…Respect began to diminish… Deceit turned to more shame…more shame lead to more pornography…more covering up… You see the picture….it’s not pretty. Through my own counseling and inner healing, I realized his addiction wasn’t about me…it wasn’t about how pretty I was or how much he loved me. It was about a prison he was living and dying in… I still pray for him. My prayer is that he will someday intimately know the fullness that comes from knowing Jesus.


Porn is Plastic

January 28, 2012 8 comments

I’ve been researching a lot about porn and have a lot of very specific ideas in mind. As I’ve researched I’ve noticed two attitudes that I disagree with. One I think is flat out wrong, and the other I think needs to be flipped on it’s head to be realistic about pornography.

The first though is that porn is normal.  This quote is from a comment on a blog post entitled “Internet Pornography Stats: Parents Should be Concerned”.
“Sex and pornography are the most normal things in the world. An interest in sex for a 15 year old boy is completely healthy, you should be worried if he WASN’T interested in porn.”

This attitude needs to change for very specific reasons. First off, Porn is not sex. From “7 Surprising and Negative Effects of Porn”: “3. Porn Turns Sex Into Masturbation./ Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.”  If you’ve ever watched porn, as I have, looking back you can see how it’s not at all like real sex. Women don’t become slaves to men. Men are not just erect objects to the woman-turned-object on screen. Real life is not a “do whatever pleases me” situation. Porn is a plastic version of bad sex. Secondly, pornography isn’t healthy. I would agree that an interest in sex is healthy, that doesn’t mean delve into it, but be interested for sure. Pornography is not healthy. It is fake and dressed up for a reason. It is designed to be addictive. It’s a marketing scheme, and it’s effective. Unfortunately the cost is not only monetary. Porn addictions destroy relationships within families and friendships and make coping with life long relationships nearly impossible. Porn rewires your brain, in the pavlovian sense, to be turned on in specific situations that don’t occur within most sexual relationships or any long-term relationships.

      After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.  -Naomi Wolf, “The Porn Myth”

Source Here.

The idea I would like to flip on it’s head is best said by Sean McDowell in an article: “Pornography is tearing apart the fabric of our society.” He’s not the only one who has said something like this, and he acknowledges the dramatization within his article. I would rather say that our torn society is producing pornography. Porn is a product of an over sexualized society. We thrive on sexy. It’s a life force beating all around controlling our advertisements, and our media. It’s hard to find a video game these days that don’t hint at sexuality in a casual (and gross) kind of way, as if it’s no big deal to have free sex with whomever sparks one’s interest. And I’m sure that a lot of you reading this are thinking, “that’s true, it is no big deal.” Point proven. Our social ideals and pornography are growing more and more perverse in correlation with each other. Porn will only be as gross as the consumers allow it to be. Apparently we don’t have limits.

I’d like to end with the same words Namoi Wolf does in her article, and talk a little about what I want in a marriage. Among other things I want sex. I want fun uninhibited sex with one woman from the moment we say our vows till the moment we die. I want to cherish her as if she’s the only woman in the world. I want to glorify her in her sexual beauty. I want to be surprised on my wedding day at the fulfillment of sex, at the pleasure, and the intimacy. I want to be surprised on my wedding day at the I don’t know what, it’s surprise. But I’m afraid that with pornography I will want something other than sex, that I will be inhibited and unfaithful, not just in my mind and heart but in actions. I’m afraid I will see other women as sexual creatures, and I will lust after more beautiful women. I’m afraid sex on our wedding night will be a mundane practice, just a repeated action: muscle memory. I’m afraid that “Sex has no mystery”.

Surrounded yet Unaware

January 24, 2012 4 comments

Before the throne of the Lord some of life’s most interesting conversations and profound debates are going to sound… ridiculous.

The Elusive Messiah

January 20, 2012 9 comments

“Since new evidence could always overturn old theories, all views could at best merely be probable and, hence, provisional. No longer could one ever be sure that one had arrived at the final truth. One always had to be prepared, in the light of new evidence, to change one’s views.” -Raymond Martin, the Elusive Messiah

I stumbled across this quote just minutes ago and found myself nodding fiercely in agreement. Many of you who read these ridiculous posts of mine already know of my faith and my quest to verify everything I believe and refine what I’ve learned through a filter of truth. Given this quote above, that very well could be my mantra, I agree absolutely concerning material things- the things for which quantifiable evidence exists. This evidence and the theories to which it pertains has a kind of odd and unfulfilled relationship with Christianity. It’s best explained in an example. Carbon dating (among other means of determining the age of the material universe). Carbon dating proves that the Earth is really freaking old, how old exactly doesn’t matter in this situation. All that matters is that the Earth is millions of years older than Christians had previously thought, therefore disproving Christianity in this matter, right? Not so. It disproved a conclusion based on a specific interpretation of otherwise vague, and limited, texts. The bible only speaks of the age of the earth in poetry, and myth-like prose. It’s not a scientific source of knowledge about the age of Earth, but rather a way to acknowledge One who is great enough to create something so much bigger than us. The science testifies to the greatness of the One in congruence with the text. In my mind this is refining belief- finding out what the bible really says. The age of the Earth based on scripture is nonessential to Christianity and is not explicit (or implicit) within the text. therefore it can be dropped given reason to do so. That is why the evidences and theories about the material world which change Christian views have an odd and unfulfilled relationship to Christianity. It seems as if they affect only nonessential contingencies.

Moving on… I see a way this quote works within Christianity to do internal refining. I often debate on the nature of God whether he’s this way or that.  Often a little token of scripture or revelation based on interpretation or some external example of some virtue can spark a new understanding of God’s character or abolish some though of the way he must be. This is a wonderful experience that keeps me close to God. It’s a way of discovery and interest as I learn more about a man who never changes, yet is quite elusive. I’ve said before the more I learn about God the less I know for certain about Him. By this I mean that through study of God I learn that my presuppositions were false and God becomes less like what I knew he must be. “One must always be prepared in light of new evidence, to change one’s views.”