Home > Uncategorized > A note from a friend

A note from a friend


I found this in an email today, that my friend wrote to me back in 2008. I’m not sure why I’m posting it, but I’ll try to come up with a few possible ideas, and explain after the quote.

1) it’s got good theology.

2) it’s honest.

3) I need friendships with deep roots like this.

4) Kate can understand.

” i pray for you all the time, that god is putting you through just enough hardships and giving you more than enough blessings to make you who he needs and wants you to be. whether that means in preparation for a wife that will come along, or just for a situation where you need to play the role god needs you to. i care so much for you carl, and i never want to lose our friendship. i need you to know this, but dont over analyze it. i love you, in not just a friend way, but not anything more than good friends. i care about you more than some of my other friends because you are always sincere and i can get a straight, genuine answer from you. you dont understand how much i appreciate, and admire that about you. i am 102% positive that god has an amazing plan for your life because of your devotion and passion to do the things you love. youre really an amazing person, and i have had so much fun getting to know you over the last few years. youre one of my best friends, even when we dont talk all the time.”

1) I’ve never heard a better explanation of Godly discipline outside of C.S. Lewis and the bible itself. The idea of having enough hardship to be the people God designed us to be is brilliant. I’ve talked about his before on this blog, and I’m gonna do it again. We’re like children, who decide what is good based on what stimulates our sensory. In short we like shiny things that taste good. God being our father knows that not all shiny things are actually good, despite how they may look. So he says no. And humanity, overwhelmed with desire and the first taste of stimulation rebel against the father who ‘just doesn’t want us to have fun”. Guys, daddy knows best. He disciplines to make us become the creation he made before we perverted his work.

2) Something that has become very important to me over the years is honesty. It’s odd because I’m fasting from sarcasm today so that I can be genuinely encouraging without be hindered. Before 10 this morning I was sarcastic at least 5 times. I woke up at 9:30… So today already I have learned how honesty is eluding me still. But this sentiment from my friend is an honest portrayal of her heart and her thoughts. Even when building someone up with those kinds of words I often hesitate and hold it inside and don’t encourage because it’s weird or whatever crappy excuse I have. I wish I could be more honest than just not lying.

3) I have friends, and some really ridiculously good ones. But 3 of my 5 best friends have left relationship with God behind in the past couple years. That’s difficult. It’s difficult to see people who have trouble relating to God to such an extent that he’s no longer real to them. It makes me struggle, because when all of the intellectualism is pushed aside and I’m done disproving those who disprove God all I have left is relationship. But if 3 of every 5 people earnestly seeking don’t get that relationship, then what? What have I left to believe in? a 2/5ths God? That’s all not really the point. The point is I need to be in relationships where myself and the other person are the objects of our holy affection. I love this friend of mine in a massive way. I think that’s just about the only way to get close to saying how much I care. I need mutual encouragement. How exciting would that be? Very.

4) I wrote in a blog a while back about my friend JM whom I love, and is on the top of my 5 best friends list. I wrote about how I wanted her to be forgiven in my place, that I can suffer any consequence and she be saved. I don’t know what I think about hell anymore. I don’t like the idea, but not believe in truth doesn’t make it less true. It’s impossible to read through Matthew and say that Jesus doesn’t believe in eternal damnation. But I don’t like it. So I don’t know. This quote was from JM a little over a year before she decided she wasn’t a disciple. Kate commented on that blog asking questions about her and how I could have that sort of disposition. Hopefully this is a bit of a better answer. The girl who wrote this to me is someone that I can’t let go of. But, maybe that’s my problem. Anyways. Peace.

Advertisements
Categories: Uncategorized
  1. October 8, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    1. You write We’re like children, who decide what is good based on what stimulates our sensory. In short we like shiny things that taste good. God being our father knows that not all shiny things are actually good, despite how they may look. So he says no. And humanity, overwhelmed with desire and the first taste of stimulation rebel against the father who ‘just doesn’t want us to have fun”. Guys, daddy knows best. He disciplines to make us become the creation he made before we perverted his work.

    My comment is that this faith-based belief tries and fails to keep humanity in a constant state of irresponsible childhood approved by god. On the one hand, we cannot ‘grow up’ in the conventional sense of becoming autonomous and responsible adults if, on the other hand, great gobs of fellow citizens choose to remain in a perpetual state of childhood about behaviour.

    2. You write It’s difficult to see people who have trouble relating to God to such an extent that he’s no longer real to them. It makes me struggle, because when all of the intellectualism is pushed aside and I’m done disproving those who disprove God all I have left is relationship. But if 3 of every 5 people earnestly seeking don’t get that relationship, then what? What have I left to believe in? a 2/5ths God? That’s all not really the point. The point is I need to be in relationships where myself and the other person are the objects of our holy affection.

    My comment relates to my first one: I am relieved that 60% of your friends have indeed grown up and moved past the kind of dependent relationship with an imaginary friend you think of as holy. Earlier you wrote that Something that has become very important to me over the years is honesty. If that’s indeed true, then being honest about a dependent relationship with an imaginary surrogate parent is a good first step. You’ll notice, for example, that this surrogate never calls, never offers good advice, never shows up to important events, never sends cards or flowers to let you know he’s thinking about you, never arrives on time, and never fails to avoid giving you a hug when you need it the most. In all ways that matter, this divine but always absent parent is equivalent to an imaginary childhood friend.

    Maturity means being able to be the best of friends with someone with whom you disagree even on important points like politics and (dare I even say it?) support for the right sports teams. Friendship is about caring for the welfare of others in good times and in bad and if you like to keep the kind of fair-weather friends like your god (who seems singularly exempt from legitimate criticism about his lack of showing his caring and concern) on equal par with people who actually DO show up to lend you support in times of need and share your moments of triumph, then the honesty you say is important should reveal the problem to be with you. Maybe it’s high time you outgrew this separation anxiety and embraced your autonomy and individual responsibility to be a caring and compassionate person for better reasons than because you’re commanded to be so in order to please the imaginary parent in the sky.

    • October 10, 2011 at 4:09 PM

      1. In response to your comment on a perpetual state of childhood, in the real world when people grow up they still do things that are harmful to them. The only difference, I’d say, is the lack of a parent to stop them, and in some cases they actually know better. I’ve seen plenty of families divorce because one or both of the parents does something careless that ranges from infidelity to drunkenness to laziness. It has been proven that divorce is psychologically detrimental to the children and to the once bonded people. It’s hardly growing out of childlike behavior. The consequences just become real.

      2. In response to your comment on the reality and absence of God: it seems as if we’ve never had a conversation. I’m sad to realize that. God calls me out in many situations. I’ve been faced with situations that are so clearly of God that I can’t keep my mind off of him, and he speaks pretty loud. I’m given good advice all the time. Often God speaks through people giving me good advice, other times he calms my spirit and brings me truth that I cannot deny. Truth that I have tried to deny for a long time. Did you realize that I was talking about discipline from God, and how real it is and how it exists in the consequences of our actions? Is that not a form of advice? He’s there with me at even the mundane events, if I choose to be with him. Dude, I don’t have any friends on earth who send me cards or flowers to let me know he’s thinking about me. That being said, God gave me the mountains, and the ocean, and laughter, and taste buds. He keeps his eye on the Sparrow. How much more is he thinking and caring for me? God giving me hugs. That’s probably the most interesting thing you wrote on there, and for a long time God didn’t hug me or my friends. But them my cousin shared with the church Zephaniah 3:17 ” The Lord your God is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love and rejoice over you with singing.” That phrase “quiet you with his love” in the Hebrew means to nurture like a mother. To hold you in his arms and rock a crying baby to sleep. To you it probably sounds insulting, but to me, it is exciting that I have a God that cares for me in that way. And since Marty shared that with me back maybe 4 years ago, I have prayed that God holds me and I have prayed for JM and many others that God would hold them. And he has. I’ve felt it; I’ve lived it.

      Brother, I can’t think of a friend of mine that I don’t disagree with and pretty strongly on some points. Friendship is not caring for their welfare in good times and in bad. Friendship is tending to their wants at the expense of your own needs. Not out of some hope of reciprocity, but because you want the other to be full. You know, full. Not happy, because that passes and often what makes us happy isn’t really good for us. (candy, cigarettes, orgies). But contentment you know. Real contentment. We want the lives of those around us to look at who they are and say man, I don’t need more, I don’t want more. I’m full. Once community achieves that, I believe real church happens. peace.

      • November 9, 2011 at 3:11 PM

        It has been proven that divorce is psychologically detrimental to the children

        Au contraire, mon ami. The psychological effects of divorce are dependent on how the event effects the quality of the familial relationships. If those relationships improve as they often do, then divorce is a cause for good for the children. If those relationships worsen, then divorce is a cause for harm to those children. To assume divorce is somehow intrinsically wrong because it causes harm is exactly the point Cedric keeps calling you on: this assumption you make is factually incorrect.

        As for argument about wanting to maintain a dependent relationship with your god, let me just add that I will consider myself a failure as a parent if either I or my child tries to maintain this parent-child relationship past adolescence. It’s a failure because it harms the attainment of responsible autonomy and that is what I see you trying to avoid by substituting god as a surrogate parent and pretending that you have a ‘relationship’ with this make-believe entity. If I insisted that I was enamoured by my ‘relationship’ with Alpha Centauri, that it helped guide my behaviours – perhaps even helping me to find a mate – and comforted me in times of life’s difficulties, you’d quite properly think that the mate has good reason for staying far, far away until this delusional ‘relationship’ stopped being treated as if real… and of benefit!

      • November 9, 2011 at 4:32 PM

        At what point do we, as humans, grow up to the adult hood status equal to the creator of the universe? The guy who not only thought up subatomic particles that are the building blocks for material existence and wrote the code for DNA, but also had the means of creating it all. When do we get up to his level, assuming he exists? The only Adult-Adult relationship between God and humanity is one granted by the graciousness of God, and only seldom if ever realized.

      • November 9, 2011 at 5:00 PM

        Oh, come on, CJ. No one is suggesting that you must become omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipotent to be considered grown up. All you need is to be is responsibly autonomous. For you call this hypothetical critter a ‘guy’ as well as the creator of everything is rather rich, suggesting that anything less is somehow not adult enough. That’s just a cop out.

  2. November 6, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    ” i pray for you all the time, that Baal is putting you through just enough hardships and giving you more than enough blessings to make you who he needs and wants you to be. whether that means in preparation for a wife that will come along, or just for a situation where you need to play the role Baal needs you to. i care so much for you carl, and i never want to lose our friendship. i need you to know this, but dont over analyze it. i love you, in not just a friend way, but not anything more than good friends. i care about you more than some of my other friends because you are always sincere and i can get a straight, genuine answer from you. you dont understand how much i appreciate, and admire that about you. i am 102% positive that Baal has an amazing plan for your life because of your devotion and passion to do the things you love. youre really an amazing person, and i have had so much fun getting to know you over the last few years. youre one of my best friends, even when we dont talk all the time.”

    Guys, daddy knows best. He disciplines to make us become the creation he made before we perverted his work.

    Daddy?
    Hmm.

    Religion — The Bad Parent

    • November 9, 2011 at 3:13 PM

      Another excellent and on point video, Cedric.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: